Wow. So I'm officially 23! I'm also officially jobless, not currently attending school, and have a new tan. Unofficially, this is my last birthday before I am married. Crazy huh? Is this seriously my life? Married in less then a year?? Jobless???? When have I ever been jobless?? Let me catch you up. Just as I was very officially hating my job, dreading dragging myself there and hating every moment being there, they decided they wanted to let me go. They needed to make budget cuts because the economy is slow and they need a new computer program to replace their lame ancient stupid one. Honestly I cried. I cried because it was on their terms n not mine and I cried because I had never experienced this before and I always imagined I would cry if it happen so I cried. I cried long and hard. But honestly I just want to say a big FUCK YOU to you guys. Especially to Nancy. You fat bitch. Phew. Now that I got that off my chest... Honestly it was such a blessing in disguise. I desperately needed a break. I was falling apart. My life was falling apart. I know God does everything for a reason just as I am sure he did that for a reason. Possibly because he saw me bursting at the seams. I am so grateful for not working there any more and that's the damn truth. I have been hesitantly looking, as staying home is so much better and have come across a particular job among a few that I was interested in that I really like. In fact at this point in my life I may go as far as calling it my temporary dream job. It's in Fullerton where I will be attending school and where I would like to live after marriage. Also, the office seems very pleasant. Pray for me.
Also, I am excited to start a new adventure at Cal State Fullerton this coming semester. I feel like I had become too complacent at Fullerton college and just needed to get out. I am very disappointed to say that this past semester was a total waste. I didn't pass either of the two classes I had enrolled in and my job sucked. I pretty much failed in everything I attempted last semester. Even my relationships. I had given up on my relationship with my own brother and my relationship with my fiancé was and sometimes still is on the rocks. I had lost control of my own life and the only button working was the eject button and that's what I did. I have ejected myself from that old college that hold so much of my past that it wasn't letting me move forward. I ejected myself from that shitty job. I ejected myself from the bio major. And I almost ejected myself from my relationships but realized it is those that break my fall. And that they indeed are a great part of my future. So I am very excited to start this new experience in my life.
Basically my whole life I've always rushed into the future no matter what point in my life I was in. When I was a little girl I couldn't wait to grow up. I couldn't wait to wear make up. Couldn't wait to have a boyfriend. To drive my own car so I can listen to my own music as loud as I wanted. To get proposed to. To plan my wedding. Etc. Alll these things I couldn't wait to do. So I pretty much rushed all of it. Now I miss it. I miss my childhood. Miss just being a kid. Playing around. Having a million opportunities at my feet. But even to this day I can't wait to move onward with my life. But I was soo stuck and realized that this wasn't me. I realized that I was just carrying so much from my past that it had become too hard to move on. Too hard to see what's right in front of me. I felt like those cars that are so weighed down they get stuck in a muddy ditch n no matter how much you rev the engine your not going anywhere. You either need to unload or get a push. Well I got both. I have unloaded old friend impostors. Old lame jobs. Old schools and all the memories they entail. I have forgiven and forgotten. I am at such a place right now that I feel like I have a clean slate. I now, at this moment feel like I am at the best place in my life I have ever been. I am surrounded by people that have nothing but love and support for me and I have a clean slate to start laying the foundation for the rest of my life! I am happier now then I have been with any job, boyfriend, class, or friend that I have ever had. I feel more empowered then ever. So empowered that even as I type this last paragraph, I can't believe what a positive spin it has on it. I should be miserable right now. Jobless, not going to school, etc etc. But no this is it. 23 is it. It's the year that changes the rest of my life. The year it all begins. I am going to purge my life of all my extra baggage and move forward and take it all in. This is it. I feel great! Watch me make it to the top, world. I won't settle for anything less. This is it...
