My Gosh, I don't even know where to start. There is a million and three things going through my head right now and I cant even begin to sort them out. There is school, wedding planning, finding a home, work, family ahhhhhh...
School will be done this week, as we are in FINALS WEEK! I am stressing out over everything that needs to be done (projects) and all the studying I need to do, because Lord knows I totally zoned out like 3/4 of the semester! I REALLY need to pass my classes though because I am so sick of wasting my life on school. I sacrifice so much throughout the semester and it sucks so bad when I end up failing and have to do it allll over and sacrifice more just for something that could have been done by now. I can't believe I have been going to school for 5+ years now! And the worst part about it is that I have no idea where I'm going with this. I have lost all passion for anything school related. On top of it, I have NO IDEA what I want to "be". Nada. I was soooo sure I was going to be an optometrist. But now, I just don't want to do anything. This makes everything so much harder because I have nothing to work for. But what can I possibly want to do as a JOB for the rest of my life?? Man, I have no idea. :(
On top of that, this wedding planning really takes soo much effort on my part. It's so hard making your ideas into a reality and on top of it trying to stay on budget. There is still so much left to do. We need to find a florist (I have no idea on how my center piece should look), cake bakery, DJ, Limo, bridesmaid dresses. On top of that we had a couple drop out due to the possibility she might get accepted to school, yet if she doesn't, she would love to be a part of it. (????) And her boyfriend won't do it to begin with. We argued so much about this couple to begin with and I lost a bridesmaid because I had to put her in and not the other girls sister whom I've known like my whole life. Anywho, now I have to deal with that. Then there is deciding where to go on a honeymoon. Who thought that would be so stressful?? And DARE I MENTION...a home. oh man. It's such a big and stressful decision. I'm just praying we get lucky.
My mom was suppose to be our agent, but she has been very ill lately, and hasn't been up to much. As if my dad not working wasn't enough, now she has been staying home. Things have just been so financially hard, and it's just killing me! I just really hope things start looking up really soon.
On the bright side, we had our chirstmas party for work last night. One of the best nights of my life! we went to go see Michael Buble play live, but not before a fancy dinner at the Anaheim White House! :) Oh my gosh was he beyond AMAZING though! His voice is like magic! I just had such a wonderful night and am sooo greatfull to my boss to making this dream come true. I am over all very happy with where I work. I actually can see it being a long term thing (minus the pay). The girls can get pretty catty sometimes, and have gotten it to the point where I've really hated it there, but overall I am pretty content.
I really feel like this stress has ruined me physically. I have become sooo physically out of shape. I hate being like this, ESPECIALLY as a bride to be. This needs to change FAST! And on top of it, I just don't feel "pretty" anymore. :(
I just feel like I need to find myself again. I've lost my identity and my passions in life. I'm approaching a major point in my life and I have to get myself together already. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this.
